Right of Way

Don't you dare shake your head at me. I could see you there even through the rush-hour glare. It was just an entitled little shake of the head and it got me.

Let's get something straight here: Regardless of any traffic laws, I have the right of way here. I live here. I am a homeowner on this block. And I am trying to pull out of my driveway and go to work. This means I do not need the hint of attitude from you, who do not live on this block and are simply using the common driveway as a shortcut.

I know people don't mean to be inconsiderate when they cut through our driveway. It's just that bit of attitude that pisses me off. It's the little head shake and/or eye roll that seem to say, "Ugh. Some people." So drop the attitude, sweetie. Drop it right now.

See, I live here and park here so I have to use this driveway. You do not live here and can drive the extra 50 feet and use the actual street. You actually can. I know it's rough to drive all that way but it's actually not impossible. You just need to be a little less lazy and a little more considerate of the people who live here.

Sometimes I feel like I'm invisible here. 

I refuse to give an inch in that driveway to people who don't live on our block but tear through without regard for residents' cars or pedestrians. Someday someone's going to come whipping around that corner and hit my car or worse, hit a kid. So I won't give anybody else the right of way. If you don't care about me, then I don't see why I should care about you.

Meanwhile, there is utilities work happening all week in our driveway. I am working from home today and they started work while I was at the gym, so now I can’t park in my own driveway because there is a truck and a huge hole. We were supposed to get notices from Delmarva but of course, we did not, so I’m calling to complain.

And that stupid driveway is just another reason why I cannot wait to get out of this house and live somewhere I won't have to worry about pulling into the Daytona 500 every morning on my way to work.

How do Marvel and DC reboot their universes?

Retcons and universe reboots are common in comics today. Soon Marvel will have its Secret Wars event, expected to reshape the universe by joining the main 616 universe with the Ultimates universe. As the company moves offices to the West Coast, DC is having Convergence, an event that will at least temporarily reintroduce some concepts that the universe jettisoned in its last reboot. However, the way each company has historically approached reboots is very different.

I don’t believe the Marvel Universe has ever had a hard reboot, as in a cataclysm that sweeps the entire universe and results in wholesale changes. (An example of a hard reboot in the movies was the end of X-Men: Days of Future Past, when messing around with the timestream resulted in resetting the franchise to the original 2000 continuity.) When Marvel wants to retcon stories or throw out ideas that are outdated or unpopular, it tends to go for smaller in-story changes.

For example, when they retconned that Jean Grey was never Phoenix (originally), there wasn’t some big universal reset that affected all of Marvel. They just explained that Phoenix took Jean’s place and her original body was intact. For the most part, Marvel Universe history is one unbroken line and that has a real appeal. You don’t have to wonder if a story from the past is still valid.

DC has a tradition of huge event changes and that seems more suited to the company’s more complicated history. Most of its World War II heroes stayed active for decades and the company had to invent the concept of an Earth-2 to explain why the older heroes existed alongside their modern versions. (Golden Age Superman lived on Earth-2 while Silver/Bronze Age Superman lived on Earth-1.) As DC acquired more characters from other comic companies, it added more Earths for them to live on and it got more confusing. 

Almost all the Earths got whited out in the 1985 series Crisis on Infinite Earths. This series featured every major DC character ever (except Green Lantern Hal Jordan, oddly) fighting the Anti-Monitor, who was using anti-matter to destroy one universe after another. Several A-list heroes died. I thought it was a great story, the ultimate in heroes teaming up to defeat a huge menace, but some people didn’t like how it retconned away the rich multiversal tradition. During Crisis, the heroes went back to the beginning of time and prevented the creation of the multiverse. There was one Earth, one Superman, and many of the Golden Age stories effectively never happened.

Despite some small retcons, this was the status quo at DC for years. In 2005, Infinite Crisis brought back the concept of the multiverse. The survivors of the original Crisis on Infinite Earths — Golden Age Superman and Lois Lane, Alexander Luthor and Superboy Prime (who hailed from the Earth the readers live on) — had been spirited away to safety. They saw how dark the new DC Universe was getting and decided to bring back the purer values of Earth-2 and the Golden Age. Superboy punched time (this actually happened) and messed up continuity, bringing back multiple Earths and resurrecting characters who were dead. There were 52 Earths, one for each publishing week of the year.

The last significant reboot came a few years ago. During Flashpoint, the Flash screwed around with time to prevent his parents’ murders. As a result, Bruce Wayne was murdered instead of his parents, Ma and Pa Kent did not discover Superman, Wonder Woman and Aquaman waged bloody war against one another’s kingdoms, etc.

From the wreckage of this short-lived alternate universe came the current status quo, dubbed the Nu52. This new universe redesigned many characters. All the heroes got younger and all their previous exploits throughout DC history are supposed to have taken place in the last five years. Some characters have seemingly never existed and that has led to some confusion about what old stories are still in continuity.

After 30 years of reading comics, all this rebooting and retconning proves one thing to me: It really was simpler when we were kids.

The Americans S3 E9: Do Mail Robots Dream of Electric Sheep?

An elderly bookkeeper goes to the office at night to get some work done and with her dying breath, condemns Elizabeth’s entire way of life as evil.

Betty may be the first person ever to call out Elizabeth to her face. The spy lets her guard down, because she no doubt sees her own dying mother in the woman and because she’s going to kill her anyway so there’s no point in her lying about her life and family. What the woman says is a slap in the face: You have children and this is what you do? You think killing an old woman who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time makes the world a better place? THANK YOU.

That whole scene was brilliant and hard to watch. At first you might think the pill overdose is a mercy but it was more pragmatic because Elizabeth had to make it look like a natural death so the police wouldn’t be looking for her (now I wonder if that woman wrote a note while she was alone). We needed to see that woman’s excruciating end to see the real collateral damage these spies inflict. As much as I kind of root for Philip and Elizabeth just for the thrill and their performances, this is the ugly truth of what they do, so the old woman’s words were a slap in the face to the viewers, too.

This is another example of The Americans giving real weight to smaller characters because I had so much empathy for that woman and the life story she laid out. Kudos to Lois Smith for playing a hell of a part. They could have played it as a throwaway but the whole season could turn on her condemnation of Elizabeth. She’s always been the more ideological of the Jenningses but this could plant the seed to make her doubt her recruitment of Paige. Elizabeth has rarely been that rattled.

The woman died for a mail robot. As dark as that is, I was thrilled to see that piece of machinery get some spotlight. There’s never too much of the mail robot. At first I was disappointed to see it out of commission but then I realized that the episode’s title, “Do Mail Robots Dream of Electric Sheep?” was a reference to the fact that the mail robot spent the episode asleep. Brilliant.

Maybe Elizabeth’s murder of that woman was a reaction to letting the Afrikaner go last episode and maybe she feels she can’t spare any more mercy. The whole thing was moot anyway because Hans shot the guy in the eye and strangled him to impress Elizabeth both professionally and personally.

Meanwhile, over at the Westerfeld apartment, Martha has either gone full Looney Tunes or is playing a long con with Philip. That was the most suspenseful spaghetti dinner in history. It looked like they shot the scene to seem like Martha was going to kill Philip as there was something vaguely horror movie about it. She gives her KGB husband some information of real value about the mail robot and indirectly gets that bookkeeper killed. It was unsettling to know that she’s both in denial about the seriousness of her situation and aware of what she’s doing. Martha probably knows she’s trapped with a man who could kill her and just goes along with him because what love he gives her is worth it. It’s better to pretend.

I’m realizing just how much Martha and Stan have in common without knowing it and that if the subterfuge of either one is uncovered, neither could feel self-righteous against the other. Each is betraying America for a loved one. Stan has flirted with this before for the love of Nina but his working with Oleg seems like it’s a new level of betrayal because now he’s messing with a Soviet defector. Zinaida, ever opaque, continues to intrigue me. She seems curiously unrattled by the intruder in her hotel room.

Philip doesn’t seem like he’s going to take any more from Gabriel or the Center and made it clear he’ll go to any lengths to protect his family. Maybe this episode was a turning point for him like it was for Elizabeth.

Hey, what's the deal with racism?

Stupid Starbucks. I was all set on writing today about the #RaceTogether initiative that turned out to be a #StupidIdea when the company had to up and cancel it. Race is a hot button subject so I was going to offer a few tips on starting a conversation about race with servers in an inoffensive way, such as:

“Hey, what’s the deal with racism?”

“See, white people order coffee like this. And black people order coffee like this.”

“I’m sorry, but I thought slavery was just terrible.”

“Ferguson, am I right?”

“Systemic racial discrimination. Ugh, I can’t even.”

Now the coffee company goes and ruins my post by canceling the whole thing. I’m really amazed nobody who worked at this company actually realized how dumb the whole thing was before they announced it. I guess nobody wants to be honest with the boss when he’s on a roll about something. Nobody in the company realized that people on their way to work don’t want to stop and chat about racial issues when they are in a hurry to get coffee. Similarly, nobody realized that busy servers had better things to do than strike up a chat about a loaded issue.

I’m not sure that Starbucks customers were the audience for this anyway, not because of any racism but because some of them seem so picky. Thom will stomp around in high dudgeon if they write Tom on his coffee cup or (God forbid) serve him half-caff instead of one-third caff like he requested. You really want to introduce a touchy subject with someone like that?

Of course, rather than just admit that the whole idea is completely asinine, Starbucks is patting itself on the back by saying, “At least we started conversation,” which is the refuge of any company that does something dumb. What struck me about #RaceTogether is how very unnecessary it is. The company acted like nobody out there is discussing race and we need an outlet for it.

The truth is, people everywhere are constantly discussing race. People talk about race-related issues around the dinner table or at parties or bars or churches or in work. You probably can't read a major newspaper or magazine or website without finding something related to race. Ferguson and Eric Garner were conversations on race; they were loud and ugly conversations at times but they are still a prominent recent example of talking about race. For years some people have talked about having a “national conversation about race” as if we’ll have some nationally televised town meeting where Patty from Peoria can call in and chat about racial profiling with … I guess some sort of race panel? We need discussion to continue but I don’t see why that requires coffee cups.

My point is, for good and for ill, this conversation has been buzzing in America for decades if not centuries and it never needed a latte to facilitate it.  

The Americans S3 E8: Divestment

Only on a show like The Americans would the interrogation of FBI employees be almost as harrowing as setting a man on fire. Almost, but not quite. That execution of the white South African was the most brutal thing yet on this show. Even the hardened Elizabeth and Philip looked appalled. I’m wondering if their reaction was partially because they met someone even more vicious than they are. It’s certainly a message from the South Africans not to mess with them. Maybe the human tire fire held a mirror up to them so the Soviet spies decided to be merciful to the other South African who set the bomb.

It’s kind of a neat trick linking the Soviets to apartheid. We have a philosophy on the wrong side of history (communist USSR) supporting a philosophy on the right side of history (anti-apartheid). It’s complex because I want to oppose the KGB but I support their efforts to bring down the racist South African regime but I don’t support setting people on fire. It reinforces one of the show’s themes: Who are you rooting for?

Nina again has very little control over her fate. Again, they are using her as a puppet, this time sent to seduce Anton, the kidnapped Refusenik scientist. First, they sent her through a humiliation conga line with the confrontation with the former Rezidentura director who slept with her and got shipped back to the USSR over some smuggled diamonds. Then she faced further nastiness from the understandably bitter scientist. She is in an impossible situation, with her only hope of freedom being lying and further betrayals of her countrymen.

Those scenes of Walter Taffet grilling the FBI employees were deliciously tense. Taffet is very intimidating and I loved moment when he walked straight toward Martha, probably terrifying her, before going to talk to someone else. Alison Wright is again doing a great job playing someone trying to keep her cool and lie credibly to her boss.

That scene with Martha and Clark at her apartment was spectacular. Martha acknowledges something I never realized before: Walter Taffet has the job Clark supposedly has. So if Taffet is conducting the internal investigation, just exactly who is her husband? She asks who he is and he tells her, “I’m your husband. I’m the man you married.” This is not the source of comfort that Clark intended but instead it’s horrifying for Martha as she continues to realize just how trapped she is. She married this man and she betrayed her country. She was duped into the former and she didn’t realize she was doing the latter but she did them just the same.

Notice that Clark didn’t answer Martha’s question. He never told her who he was but his evasiveness was as much an answer for her as if he’d told her. The way he professed his love to his wife was a creepy callback to the flashback showing Philip’s KGB training in seduction.

Martha knows she’s his hostage. I think she’ll turn on him and come clean with the FBI. If that happens, once Philip realizes, she’s done.

Th Amer S E: Divestm

Martha gets called on the carpet by Walter Taffet, who is investigating the bugged pen in Gaad’s office. She is understandably squirrely as she put the bug in the pen. There are many questions about office supply protocol. Then Taffet interviews Agent Aderholt. And then they …

Paige is in the library looking up newspaper articles on microfiche. She finds an article about Gregory, the Jennings family friend, who was a civil rights activist. And then she …

Over in the Soviet Union, Nina finds out that her sentence will be much reduced if she can get close to the Israeli defector scientist and ensure he is still committed to the cause. And then she …

In the most horrific murder scene thus far, the South African executes the pro-apartheid guy by putting a tire around his torso and lighting him on fire. This disturbs even the hardened Elizabeth and Philip. The Jennings later let the other South African go after finding the bomb he planted. And then they …

No, you’re not having a stroke. The reason this review is so disjointed is because we got about halfway before Comcast’s on demand crapped out on us. Thanx. I wasn’t at all interested in how any of the storylines panned out on my favorite show. It froze up and we couldn’t get it to unpause and just stopped watching because it was getting late and we are old. Nothing like paying exorbitant cable fees and then not being able to do something simple like watch a TV show. We only turned to Comcast anyway because The Americans was not yet available on Amazon instant video. We will try again and hopefully I will have a full review Monday.

Spring comes when it comes

Really, it hasn’t been a bad winter in the Delaware Valley. It felt colder than normal, and it did seem like there were more single-digit mornings than usual, but we only got like 22 inches of snow, which is average.

The general consensus of the arrival of spring is “Oh God, I’m so sick of it.” I … guess I’m sick of it, too? We had that snowstorm in March so maybe it's that recent event that’s on people’s minds. But we hardly live in Boston or Buffalo (not that it stops people around here from walking around emoting like the Tony Awards committee is following them). We were pretty much snow-free in January and that’s a big chunk of the season. This winter just hasn’t bothered me.

Winter doesn’t bother me too much anymore anyway (Christ, did I just quote “Let It Go”?). I love summer but just stopped caring about the cold some time ago. Even last year, with the snow totals that were actually horrifying, didn’t get to me too much. Weather only bothers me when it’s really unseasonable; a cool day in June will leave me livid but a cold February day won’t. Spring will come when it comes. It’s never not.

Spring is of course due to come tomorrow. As every year, when the stars align, the calendar flips immediately and permanently to spring. No snow will occur until December and if under some bizarre circumstance it does, we’ll all fall dramatically to our knees and cry, “I thought it was supposed to be spring!” and expect an answer from an uncaring universe. All those people in line for free water ice at Rita’s (why pay the exorbitant $2 when you can wait in a long line?) will be able to do so in tanktops. There will be no cold winds until many months from now.

And of course, April snow, as rare as Haley’s comet, is completely off the table.