Dignity.

Nothing says “Dignity” like vomiting on the beach.

That was my main lesson during Memorial Day weekend. We were on the beach when this group of 20-somethings set up camp right next to us. After awhile, this one train wreck was lying on the beach and started throwing up right into the sand. I had my back to them and my iPod on so I wasn’t aware of anything. All I saw was Steve staring at me and mouthing “Dignity.” I guess the guy buried the upchuck in the sand because I didn’t see it.

This was at about 1 or 2 p.m. I’ve been hung over, too, but I’ve never done the liquid laugh while on the beach. I guess there weren’t too many options for this guy because once you need to throw up, you pretty much have no choice. The beach was very crowded so there was nowhere isolated to go to puke in private.

Still: Eww. Also, thanks. This was after these people set up their towels right up on us. I uprooted my umbrella and moved it because they were so close. I absolutely fail to understand why some people have no boundaries in public settings. The beach was crowded but we weren’t packed like sardines and there were more places these people could go.

This has happened before. I was on the beach once in relatively deserted Fenwick Island and this family decided to set up a huge canopy right next to my elbow. There was plenty of space and they could have gone anywhere. Do you not fucking see me sitting here? Am I a person? I didn’t want to move because I was there first and it’s a pain to set up an umbrella again. I figured I’d just linger and if the family was uncomfortable with me sitting there while their kids were playing, it was their own goddamn problem for setting up close enough to read my book over my shoulder.

Man, I hate that. I like the beach because it’s tranquil and a break from the ratrace and claustrophobia of life. I don’t need to be isolated but I thought there was a generally acceptable radius between you and strangers. It’s like how at the movie theater, if it’s not crowded, keep an empty seat between you and strangers and move in only when it becomes too crowded not to. Christ, can’t I read my book or try to nap without hearing your conversation six inches from my face?

It was a minor annoyance for us but I felt worse about this couple on the other side of the vomiting guy. This crew set up camp literally six inches from this couple’s towels. They were so close that if the vomiting guy and his friends had not been there, there still would have been an appropriate amount of space between us and the other couple. It was like we kept an appropriate following distance from the next car but someone got between us and made it unsafe. Anyway, this couple saw this guy blowing chunks into the sand and moved somewhere else in disgust.

Again: Dignity.