I had the most homewrecking dream

I dreamed I was recording a Madonna radio ad that would promote her new tour. We were at my grandmother’s house and sitting on a bed that was in the living room in front of a bunch of people.

Madonna went to record her voice over but she said I was moving slightly or breathing or murmuring and it distracted her. She was playfully correcting me about this.

When it was over, I walked Madonna to the door. She whispered to me that I had to get the number of one of my married friends. She said she knew he was unhappy in his marriage and new to Delaware and had $1 million so she wanted to have an affair with him. I took her out front on the porch and read Madonna the riot act. I told her my friends were happily married and I wasn’t about to break up their relationship. Besides, he did not even live in Delaware so I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. She dropped the subject and left.

Meanwhile, there was a massive crowd of people trying to get in my grandmom’s house, so many that the fire department was there to watch for overcrowding. They carried these two women up the steps who were so old that they were slumped lifelessly. People around me seemed to recognize these women and didn’t think it was a big deal that they were basically vegetables. “That’s Myrtle,” they said.

I often have dreams involving Madonna but she isn’t usually a homewrecker. Usually we will be sitting in some sort of high school auditorium and she will be performing or she’ll be re-enacting a tour from the past but it will be all different. Sometimes I’ll discover some big stash of new music I’ve never seen before. Then I’ll wake up and be annoyed because the music doesn’t exist.