It's not about the waffle fries

What a circus the gay marriage debate is turning into. I must say, it’s an odd feeling to plan our civil union during all this. It’s like I’m on stage and I don’t want to be. I’d like to keep the focus on what is truly important: The union of two people who love each other and want to declare that love. I certainly don’t need the approval of Dan Cathy or the rest of America for that.

This whole Chick-Fil-A nonsense seems like it’s splintering into so many side arguments that it takes the focus away from the heart of the issue: If marriage is good enough for people who know each other for two days and get hitched in a Vegas wedding chapel, then it’s good enough for couples like me and Steve who have been together for nearly a decade.

Nobody’s First Amendment rights are being trampled in this fast food battle. Some people are voicing their support for this business and its owner’s ideas; some people are speaking against those ideas and both are within their rights. People support businesses and causes by either buying or not buying products. No authority is arresting you or telling you to stop. Listen to this breathtakingly ignorant statement from Sarah Palin (and I hate to elevate anything she does but this statement was just impressively stupid):

“Well, that calling for the boycott is a real—has a chilling effect on our First Amendment rights. And the owner of the Chick-Fil-A business had merely voiced his personal opinion about supporting traditional definition of marriage, one boy, one girl, falling in love, getting married. And having voiced support for kind of that cornerstone of all civilization and all religions since the beginning of time, he's then basically getting crucified.”

How this woman thought she was qualified to be president when she lacks a basic understanding of the First Amendment is beyond me. Freedom of speech means that you cannot face legal sanctions solely for your words; it does not mean that people are banned from disagreeing with you via time-honored, peaceful means such as boycotts. If you don’t understand this, then you need a remedial social studies class. (The only First Amendment issue I can see is the mayors who don’t want Chick-Fil-A in their cities because that is the government restricting commerce based on the owner’s beliefs. The only way I think mayors have the power to do that is if Chick-Fil-A were breaking a law like refusing to serve or hire gay people and there’s no evidence of that.)

The insidious thing is that the whole “support Chick-Fil-A” day was ostensibly an event to support traditional marriage. Guess what: I support traditional marriage, too. We just celebrated my parents’ 40^th anniversary and Steve’s parents have been married for almost as long, so we’re the products of traditional marriage. I support the heterosexual marriages of my friends and family. So it’s not like we’re trying to destroy the institution from the inside.

I support marriage so much that I want to have one. If we want to celebrate any core traditions of marriage, let’s celebrate what holds any relationship together: Love, trust and respect. Those are the important elements in a marriage; not the genders of the adults involved. I guess you could say I support the right of non-traditional people to have a traditional marriage.

For example, Steve and I have been in a loving relationship for almost 10 years and have supported one another through times of triumph and torment. If the story of our last decade were gender-blind, it would look as traditional as a lot of heterosexual marriages.

I wonder sometimes if some people think gays lead these exotic lifestyles and that’s what freaks them out. We sit around watching TV and do laundry and bicker about stupid stuff and go down the shore like everybody else. Our lives are no more or less exotic than anyone else’s. In turn, I’m sure some gays probably have their own false assumptions about straight people’s lives. Most of us, gay or straight or whatever, want someone to stand beside us and to grow old with. There’s no reason for gay people and straight people to view each other as Other when there is plenty of common ground.

In the end, eat as much chicken as you want or kiss your boyfriend in public as much as you want. I don’t have time for this. I’m too busy sifting through hors d’oeuvres choices for our big gay civil union.