Things that I think about the Olympics

I’m still irritated about that opening ceremony. Apparently, there was a concert Friday night with Duran Duran, the Scissor Sisters, Muse, George Michael and others. No, NBC, don’t bother showing that and celebrating the power of Britain’s music. Show the big doll and kids in some kind of makeshift wartime sick ward instead.

Speaking of Muse, what was the point of them writing an Olympics theme if they never play it?

I don’t see why the question comes up every Olympics as to why the beach volleyball women like Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh-Jennings wear bikinis while playing. What else would one wear in a sport played on the beach, a pantsuit? Granted, London is like 55 degrees so they’ve been covering up, but still.

I have nothing against Michael Phelps but I’d be, uh, strangely comfortable if Ryan Lochte became America’s new Speedo Sweetheart. I’m not blind.

I’m proud that the U.S. Women’s Gymnastics Team won gold but I can’t stand their names. Their parents named them Jordyn, Aly, Kyla and (shudder) McKayla (I’m fine with Gabby, who is adorable). I think it’s so fucking obnoxious to give your child a name that starts with “Mc.” If you want to give her a family name, make it her middle name like everyone else uses. McKayla doesn’t even sound like a family name. It sounds like they liked the name Kayla but wanted it to be Irish. I have a zero tolerance policy for names people made up in the delivery room.

Also, Fab Five is a shitty nickname for this team. Duran Duran called dibs on this years ago so find something more original.

What do you think they’d do if a swimmer got caught peeing or pooping in the pool?

I hate seeing spoilers throughout the day about events. I’m fine waiting til prime time so I can see the highlights. I don’t have a smart phone or iPad so I’m not downloading apps or whatever to see events live. I don’t have time for that during the workday. The worst is when I see a news online about medals and I think, “Did I already see that or not?”

McKayla. Get outta town. Yes, I'm still on this.

I miss the medal ceremonies. They don’t seem to show them much anymore. If I can’t tear up while watching a gold medal winner mouth the words to “The Star-Spangled Banner,” what’s the point?

This Olympics could use more Destinee Hooker.