The Roof Over My Head

The weird split in our upstairs ceiling is like a metaphor come to life. I often get the pervasive sense that so many things in my life are rickety. The creaking floorboard means we will crash down into the basement. The hitch in my engine means my car will break down. Everything seems fragile and my fear was always that someday we will notice a crack on the ceiling — the ultimate symbol of a lack of security. And now it’s happening. It’s almost funny if I think about it.

It’s not really a crack on the ceiling. It appears to be some sort of thick wallpaper that the previous owners painted over and now that wallpaper is splitting at the seams. So there’s no damage to the ceiling that I can see but this is a cause of concern or curiosity. There’s a very faint halo of water damage but it’s only something you can see if you turn the lights on and really look for it. For all I know, it’s old damage that somebody fixed and covered up.

There haven’t been any drips, even with the heavy rain we had last Saturday, so I’m not noticing an actual leak. It’s the only place in the house that it’s happening so maybe we’re catching whatever it is early. This is right outside the bathroom so maybe the steam from the shower is collecting and that’s what’s making the wallpaper split at the seams. Is it my imagination or does the ceiling feel just slightly damp after a shower?

Who knows? Maybe this isn’t a big deal in reality. But it is in my mind.

Steve told me not to worry about it until we get an answer because he knows how I’ll get. My mind can be like a runaway freight train and I go from zero to worst-case scenario in four seconds. I know it’s irrational but the split is bigger in my mind’s eye.

This is not something that keeps me up at night but it does chip away at my sense of security. I worry that this little crack will foretell roof work that will cost thousands. I worry that this problem will be something that I could have solved a long time ago if I’d been more vigilant and then I will hear a voice in my head saying, “How long did you know you had this homework assignment due?” I worry what festering threat a roofer will uncover. Of course, we could also need a minor resealing, which I don’t think costs a lot for rowhomes.

Yeah, I know I signed up for this as a homeowner but it would be nice to get a break for at least a little while since the last year or two, it’s been one thing after another with replacing appliances and needing other work done. On the bright side, needing a new roof is like the biggest thing a homeowner can replace and once we deal with that, we’ll have gone through it and hopefully won’t need to face that fear again.