Well, I never!

I am regularly appalled at the questions I hear people asking strangers. I read about these things in online articles and advice columns. I am not always the model of decorum but there are certain things I would never, ever say to a stranger.

One of the things I would never do is ask a visibly disabled person, “What happened?” A woman in a wheelchair wrote a recent article saying people often asked her this and that flabbergasts me. I see someone in a wheelchair and just think, “I don’t know this person and it’s not my business and this person may not want to discuss some horrible circumstance.” If it’s someone on crutches, I think you might be safe asking, “What happened?” because it might be some temporary injury that the person will recover from. But for people in wheelchairs, I always figured maybe they are just sick of a lifetime of discussing something private with strangers. It’s none of my business. Let them bring it up if they want.

I would also never ask, “What’s that?” when I see someone with any kind of skin condition or goiter or whatever. That is something a child asks because they don’t have a sense of boundaries yet; not an adult. An adult should be able to suppress his or her curiosity so as not to put someone on the spot about what might be a sensitive subject. That person’s facial tumor might be an amusing factoid to us but the person in question may not want to talk about it. So it’s best to keep one’s mouth shut.

I’ve read some advice columns by parents of adopted children who have strangers ask them why the child does not look like the parents. I am flabbergasted that people would do this. When two blond-haired, blue-eyed parents introduce their dark-skinned, dark-haired daughter, it doesn’t take much intelligence to think “adopted” (or maybe conceived through some other method that is not remotely anyone’s business). And people with propriety would smile and keep such thoughts to themselves. I can’t stand when I read an article that says something like, “The Smiths have two daughters and an adopted son.” Unless the article is highlighting adoption, who cares? The article should say, “The Smiths have two daughters and a son.” Nobody should qualify their kids. The only introduction I need is, “Here’s my child.”

No way in hell will I ever inquire if a woman is breastfeeding or plans to circumcise her son. I figure, it’s not my breast or my penis so I should stay out of it. Pregnancy turns people into such vultures about personal things that really don’t concern them.