Raising Awareness for Awareness

There are so many diseases and causes we must be aware of. We raise awareness for cures and all kinds of other noble things. Since these solutions can be hard to come by, I suggest we start advocating a different type of awareness: Raising awareness of awareness.

In other words, pay attention to what you’re doing, moron.

This came to mind last Saturday as Steve and took a jaunt to Ikea to buy some wedding favors and other things. Of course, as we moved through the aisles, we got stuck multiple people who were just poking along and browsing, being passed on both sides by snails. I even had a slight limp since I had woken up with a leg cramp that was bothering me, and I was still going faster than these people. Normally it wouldn’t have bothered me that much but I am in “not fucking around” mode due to wedding planning and knew just where I wanted to go and I wanted to scream “Can’t you go any faster for the SAKE OF CHRIIIIIIIST?!?!”

These people should be able to buy colored bracelets that urge them to be aware of awareness. Just take a look at your surroundings. There are people behind you who are on a mission and not a pleasure trip and you need to quiet the calliope music in your head and show some awareness of that. I’m not talking about people who are physically incapable of moving faster. I’m talking about the couple who just have to walk side by side and clog the aisle like wadded up tissue paper in a toilet. Please walk single file. It will not end your relationship if you cannot hold hands all the time.

And if you are driving a car and staring straight ahead with blinders on, completely oblivious to what’s going on behind you, you simply are not a skilled driver.

This comes into play daily in Elsmere, where drivers love to idle in the street while they wait for people to come out of houses. Just. Park. Your. Fucking. Car. It never takes “just a minute” like you say it will. There is always a delay while the person inside screws around and forgets things and has to find them before finally emerging.

Recently I was on a one-way street and a woman ahead of me was idled in the middle of the street waiting for someone. I honked my horn and she gave me that “I don’t know what you want me to do” shrug. What I want you to do, madam, is pull your goddamn car over so I can squeeze by. At least show some consideration and do that much if there are no spots on the street. I haaaate that shrug. Like she has no possible solution. Like it would be a herculean effort to turn the wheel 3 degrees and inch over. I finally did pass her, just barely not destroying our side-view mirrors. I should have pulled right in front of her and blocked her and shrugged.

I can’t emphasize this enough: Park your car. And if you can’t parallel park into that spot while you wait for someone, maybe you should learn how.