I won the lottery

But don’t get too excited or prepare to suck up to me because it was $10 on a scratch-off ticket. Hey, it’s $10 more than I had.

For me, this counts as a big win because I never, ever win anything. I am a very low roller. Some people say “You can’t win if you don’t play” but I say “You can’t lose either.” If my life were like 401K, I would always choose the “low risk, low return” plan. Lottery players often fantasize about what they’ll do with their winnings. I haven’t made any decisions yet but here are some possibilities of what I could do with Mr. Hamilton’s denomination:

One-third of a tank of gas

A matinee movie ticket

0.00056 shares of Facebook

A roll of stamps

Takeout from Seasons

Ten boxes of Rice-a-Roni

Ear wax remover as seen on TV

Down payment on a $25 gift card to Best Buy

Three Sunday newspapers

Ten deep album cuts from SWV

Two Hallmark cards with ribbons on the spine and a piece of tissue paper inside and wrapped in plastic

0.000000000000000001274 ounces of gold

Two tickets to a Starship concert

More lottery tickets

Regardless of how I choose to spend my windfall, I promise not to spend it all in one place.