It's just not that hard

“Adulting” is a word that shouldn’t be. It’s not just that I’m a prescriptivist prig who doesn’t like arbitrarily turning a noun into an adorable verb. It’s that people who say “Look at me, I’m adulting!” or “I need to adult” are doing the opposite of that: They’re being little kids playing at adult behavior temporarily. Adults just act like adults without the need for the cutesy label.

The upshot of this latest lecture from grandpa is the Adulting School I read about. This is not some class where people learn skills that would intimidate people of any age, like refinancing a house, caring for a sick or elderly parent, or changing careers. This is a class where people pay money to sit in a room and learn how to be on time for things, pay their bills and make their own dentist appointments. It’s Huntingdon Learning Center for people over 18.

I moved out on my own when I was 25. There were many times when I was not an adult (I was broke but spent what little money I had like an idiot) and there were probably childish things I did that I’ve forgotten about. But I was able to make it through without setting myself on fire. I went to the supermarket and cooked all by myself. I paid bills all by myself. I learned most of this just from having existed in a world where people just did these things and having observed and learned from them.

I mean, really: A class to make your own dental appointment? You pick up the phone and ask what time slots they have. It’s just not that hard.

There are skills people need to learn, like planning meals or paying bills, but you just sort of do them. You don’t need a class because there’s not much to it. Here are my tips on meal planning:

1. Make a list of what you want to eat for the week.

2. Go to the supermarket and buy the food for that list.

3. Try to stick to the list.

Here are my tips for paying bills:

1. Open your mail and see what you owe.

2. Make sure you have enough money to pay the bill.

3. Pay it.

There. I just saved some aspiring adults the money they would have spent on a class. Saving money an adulting skill. See, you’re already learning.

I took an adulting quiz with this group and it revealed that I have my adulting pants on! This is good news for someone over 40. Unfortunately, taking the class registered me for news from the Adulting School. I think I’ll keep it for now just to amuse myself.

Of course, the Adulting School serves cupcakes at the end. Of course they do, because it’s a food invented to be served at kids’ birthday parties.