Daylight Saving Time is a complete disaster. When I woke up
last Sunday and Monday, having lost an hour of sleep, I simply could not
function. I had to call out of work and couldn’t make it to the shower or feed
myself. I felt like I got hit by a truck and then that truck got hit by a
truck. At one point, I honestly thought I was going to die. The cruel thing is
that by the time I return to normal, it will be November and we’ll have to
change the clocks again.
That’s why every year, some people question why we change
the clocks at all. Why torture ourselves? I used to agree but then something
occurred to me: the solution is not to eliminate Daylight Saving Time but to
expand it dramatically.
But instead of doing it based on some farmers, let’s change
the clocks whenever it’s more convenient for our lives. Let’s manipulate time
to get ourselves out of things we don’t want to do or get us closer to things
we do want to do. Here are some suggestions of when to change that clock on the
microwave:
Spring forward at these times to bypass these situations:
4 p.m. every Friday
When your flight is delayed at least an hour
At the beginning of Mass
During a lengthy wait for a table at a restaurant
At night when you’re tired but it’s too early to go to bed
without feeling like you’re wasting the day
11 a.m. when you’re hungry for lunch
When that coat of paint needs to dry
In line for a wake of a person you didn’t know very well and
it’s kind of awkward seeing the family
After the opening act leaves and you’re antsy for the
headliner to take the stage
Right before an oral presentation
Fall back at these times to savor these situations:
Running late for work
Just before the vacation house rental ends
1 a.m. New Year’s Day
Just missed seeing something funny live on TV
During the afterglow of sex
Shortly after dessert
When Alex Trebek is breathing down your neck and the music
is playing but you just can’t think of the answer
After someone on your team scores while you were out of the
room
Last call
Let’s manipulate time and change it to suit our needs so
nobody knows what the hell hour or day it is!
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