Business As Usual

Exactly two years ago last Friday, when the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act and paved the way for gay marriage, I was taking my new husband to urgent care. Steve had a high fever and even though I normally blow off complaints of minor illness, this seemed more serious so I was worried. I left work and took him for treatment for what turned out to be tonsillitis.

On that day when the court further validated the marriage we knew to be valid, I remember thinking: “This is marriage at its essence. He needed me and I took care of him like he’s done a million times for me. Couples do this every day. Business as usual.”

Last Friday, as the Supreme Court removed the last roadblock to gay marriage throughout the country, I was in California on business, a continent away from my husband. I found out about the decision as I checked the Internet one last time before heading out for my conference. I called him later that afternoon and we discussed the court ruling and more mundane stuff: Is the pool looking clearer, how is the cat, what’s the weather for the weekend, how was your day.

Even on a day that momentous, in a sense our day was business as usual because we are lucky: We got married two years ago in front of very supportive family and friends who never made us feel like there was an asterisk next to our marriage. So we get to keep on being married with the added security that the court ruling has given us.

But as elated as I was, the court decision is even more for people in other states who have not been so lucky. Now they’ll get the privilege and the dignity of introducing their partners of forever as “my wife” or “my husband.” They’ve been supporting one another forever and they’ll keep on doing so, being there for a now-spouse who needs them.

Through this long and contentious debate over marriage, that’s the one thing all couples, gay and straight, have in common: You’re there for the people you love when they need you. Business as usual.