Waive My Fee

The bank representative, the fourth person I have spoken to after getting disconnected from the supervisor, comes on the line. I quickly swallow the bite of my turkey sandwich.

“So where are you today? What part of the country are you calling from?”

I do not want to have the conversation he wants to have so like a skeptic giving the bare minimum of reaction to a psychic so as to remain mysterious, I give as little information as possible. “Delaware,” I deadpan.

“So what are your financial goals?”

Oh God, I don’t need a financial planner. Please let’s not start this. “Well, my goal for today is not to pay the $15 a month fee you’re charging to maintain the escrow account for my tenants’ security deposit.”

Pleasantries over, I explain my situation. He goes through various options, including changing my type of account and requiring me to maintain an extra $400 in the account to avoid fees.

“No, I won’t do that,” I tell him. “It makes no sense to come up with an extra $400 to avoid a $15 a month fee. Someone needs to waive my fee. I have multiple bank accounts, a mortgage, a home equity loan and a credit card with this bank. The bank is making untold amounts of interest on that home equity loan alone, at a high interest rate that it refuses to refinance. I do enough business with you that you do not need an extra $15 a month.”

Really, $15 a month? I’m not paying $180 a year on an account of someone else’s money that I am legally required to keep. This is insult on top of injury. I absolutely refuse to bend on this. One of the people I spoke to said I might be able to go into the branch and speak to someone and get out of paying the fee.

“If I go into the branch, it will be to close my accounts and take my business elsewhere. Someone, you or a supervisor, needs to waive my fee. Write off that $15 a month because if you don’t, you will lose all the money in my accounts.”

I know what I have in the bank is an electron-sized drop in the bucket but I think the math here is clear: You give a customer a small break in the short term to keep his business in the long term. Companies do this all the time, for goodwill if nothing else. I don't understand why this is so hard and why I have had to speak to so many people to find someone to accept this concept.  

He transfers me to someone else, who solves my problem. The fees are gone. It sounds like it was just an administrative mix-up.

I hang up and can finally attend to that sandwich but my lunch hour is mostly over.